Looking to break free of societal expectations and NOT feel bad about it? We have the conversation just for you. 3x NYT bestselling author who received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University Dr. Shefali Tsabary joins us on Better Together to talk all about this. Her and Maria discuss shedding societal norms that hold women back from being their most authentic selves. So if you want to learn how to live free and live for yourself, keep on reading!
7 Reminders to Help You Shed Societal Norms
1. You are not tethered to the roles you play
It is embedded from childhood that women are meant to play the role of mother and wife. It is so hammered into us that we often take on these roles as our identity. However, Dr. Shefali reminds us that we are much more than that and our sense of worth shouldn’t come from those 2 “positions.” And while the journey to discovering who we are is scary, it is also exciting.
2. Embrace “The Now”
Dr. Shefali got so lost in motherhood, wifehood and work, that she lost herself. She didn’t know who she was without those roles – an experience that most women face. To get her out of this funk, she changed her mindset: instead of asking “now what?” ask “what is my now?” The now will keep changing and shifting, but if we can master the art of evolving with age, the now becomes a lot less scary.
3. How to discover your authentic self
Your true self is waiting under the societal BS (Dr. Shefali’s words not ours!) that we have absorbed over the years…so we must unravel all of that. She suggests practicing the “voice exercise” in which you don’t speak unless you truly mean it. You’ll find that you say a lot of things just to please people. Eventually, this practice will become second nature.
4. Who said?
Who said that you have to get married by 25? Have children by 30? And build a successful career in between? Are those ideas coming from you, or from an external source? If they aren’t coming from you, guess what, you don’t have to do them! So, whenever you are contemplating something, ask yourself “who said?”
5. You don’t have to do it all
“You can do it all” is often a compliment that women love to hear – you can sustain a career and take care of the children and work out and do it all. Why do we see that as a positive? Where does taking care of yourself fall into the equation? Stop trying to be a superwoman because even though you can be, you don’t have to be. The idea is lovely but it becomes our oppressor. Instead ask yourself “what can you not do today?”
6. Let go of the savior complex
The instinct to save comes from a place of neglect – look inward to see what part of you needs to be saved. And secondly, not everyone wants to be saved. So next time you have that urge to fix someone who didn’t ask for it, stop yourself, because most of the time you are just crippling yourself and annoying the other person.
7. Don’t be scared to be the b*tch (again, Dr. Shefali’s words, not ours)
Women are taught we must be the martyr and be “good girls” who don’t cause trouble. This is what gets us sick. Sometimes we don’t need people to like us and we must learn to be ok with that. Not everyone will like what we have to say or see things the way we do and instead of shying away from that, we should start seeing it as a badge of honor.