Healer and spiritual counselor Ryan Weiss joins us to talk about the necessary steps one must take for healthy healing, how to comfort a friend in need, the danger of the ego, and so much more. Ryan is the creator of the daily email chain Waking Up With Ryan; helping thousands of eager readers start their mornings with intention and purpose. However, just as unique as his teaching method, is his journey to becoming one of Los Angeles’s premiere life coaches.
A young dancer, Ryan was cast in Broadway’s Wicked where he remained for 4 years. After his New York City adventure, he returned back to his hometown of LA where he began a successful career at a popular talent agency. There, he felt unfulfilled emotionally, realizing he spent his entire life chasing after goals that made him feel empty once he reached them. However, after a life-changing encounter with a life coach, Ryan discovered his true calling: he could become his true self while helping others.
Stop listening to the fear wolf
The Cherokee teaching of the 2 wolves says that we are born into a world rooted in fear and separation. In turn, this fosters competition and often leaves us feeling like we are not enough. We are afraid that if we show “negative” emotions of anger, sadness, etc., we will never be loved. That fear wolf carries into our adult lives and without knowing it, we listen to that wolf all of the time.
Ryan uniquely describes anxiety as “the feeling of not feeling.” There is a tension that forms in your body between the rising up of emotion and the avoidance of pushing that emotion down – and where the two meet is anxiety.
The mind that can see itself, can heal itself
How many times have you seen a parent try to pacify a crying child? This early childhood lesson actually stays with us throughout our lives and makes our adult-selves believe that others will stop loving us if we share our “ugly” emotions. As a result, we push our feelings away. So, we must re-train ourselves to 1) create space for our emotions, 2) allow them to exist, and 3) determine the need that is causing this reaction. We are only able to start healing once we determine and acknowledge these emotional needs.
The best thing we can do for a friend in need is to listen
We need 2 things to heal: a safe space and validation of emotions. Sometimes, well-meaning loved ones will give us band-aids for wounds that need stitches. The best thing we can do for a friend in need is allow them to express themselves, really hear them, and reassure them that their emotions are valid.
Thank those who “push your buttons”
Instead of getting angry at the person who is, pushing your buttons, thank them. Thank them because they showed you that you have a button that needs to be tended to. Healing begins when we acknowledge that we have a sore-sport. And if we tend to it, overtime we may lose it all together.
In my defenselessness, my safety lies
When we feel unsafe, we get defensive and lash out at those around us. In reality, it is not about the other person at all, but instead is a deflection from the discomfort that we are feeling inside of our body; the feeling of being unsafe.
Do not listen to our reactive brain
We, as humans, are story-tellers. And the stories created in our subconscious, reactive brain are often rooted in fear, separation, and distrust.
Treat the universe with love and respect
Trauma, by Ryan’s definition, is any moment we are treated differently than how the universe would treat you. As a result, when those around you don’t treat you with respect, you create the false narrative that the universe does not love you. Ryan is here to remind you that the universe is not against you, even if it may feel like it sometimes. You should always treat it with kindness.
Try Ryan’s Sanctuary Challenge
Ryan says, “The healing we seek is closer to us than our very breath…we need to learn to slow down and meet it.” Ryan’s Sanctuary Challenge allows us to do just that as it provides 5 ways we can nurture ourselves throughout the day. If you haven’t heard of it, here’s what to do:
- 20 minute guided morning meditation
- 30 minutes of exercise
- Eat healthy foods
- Shut off technology at the end of the day
- Get 8 hours of sleep every night
We know that this can be a lot to fit into one day, so just do as much as you can!
We are all babies who were never given the tools to become adults
Growing up, we needed to make sure our parents were okay because without them, we wouldn’t know what to do. As a result, we developed a habit of putting others’ needs first even if that meant ignoring our own…and that carried into adulthood. Now what we need to do is learn how to become the parent that we didn’t have as children.
Read a course in miracles
Ryan reveals his greatest teacher: A Course in Miracles. The text teaches us to both re-think the meaning we have given to everything around us, and to fall into the love of the universe.
Apply the Byron Katie method
The great Byron Katie once said “The only thing that can make us suffer is a thought we haven’t questioned.” Ryan decided to apply this situation to his own relationship with his mother. When he did, they became closer than ever. For those who are experiencing an issue with a friend or loved one right now, create your judgment statement. In Ryan’s case was “my mother doesn’t listen to me,” and ask yourself these 4 questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you know without a shadow of a doubt if that statement is true?
- How do you feel when you believe the thought?
- Who would you be if that thought never occurred to you?
Now, change 1 word in the sentence that makes the opposite of the sentence true. This is where Ryan made his revelation. He said, “I don’t listen to my mother.” He realized that he couldn’t expect his mother to listen to him if he couldn’t listen to her. If you are facing a problem right now, try this method! You never know what could happen.
Don’t be surprised if some cannot handle your growth
Those around us may not necessarily grow with us which can lead to the end of a relationship, and that is ok. Not everyone will understand or know how to interact with the “new” you.
Be a shadow worker
The world does not need more light workers. We need people who are able to dive into their own pain and share with others the lessons they learned from that experience.
You need to balance masculine and feminine work
Remember the importance of balancing masculine (active) and feminine (passive) work. We achieve the most when the two are in harmony with one together. In other words, we need to learn when to work hard and when to sit back and rest.
Ignore the ego
“The ultimate imposter is the ego,” says Ryan. The ego makes us believe that we are small, isolated beings when in reality, we are an extension and product of this beautiful universe and God. We do not realize the power that we hold. Remind yourself of the light you are.
Listen to this 2-part interview here: