In an incredibly touching and emotional interview, author and founder of Grief.com David Kessler discusses how to find meaning in loss, help others who are grieving, get rid of preconceived judgements, and much more.
Through his own personal experiences with death, he has acquired tools and methods that help make the grieving process a little bit easier. Now, David shares his wisdom with those in need. After losing his mother at 13, witnessing a mass shooting, and later losing his 21-year-old son to an accidental overdose; David has become an expert in grief and how to cope with it.
1. Pain is temporary
Holocaust survivor, Victor Frankel, was able to find peace in knowing that his situation was temporary. We often feel like our feelings are final, but Victor thought, “There is a life after this concentration camp.” We have to remember that pain is not forever.
2. Find meaning in loss
When David Kessler’s 21-year-old son passed away, he found that finding meaning in his death allowed him to heal. Because he experienced such a great loss himself, David was able to connect to his clients on a deeper level and understand their pain better. David decided to expand and grow the work that his son loved so much and in doing so, he is honoring him.
3. There is no right way to grieve
What others’ think of your grief is none of your business. He was judged for smiling after his son died, but he did not care. His son loved his smile, so he kept smiling, for his son. When you are bombarded with others telling you how to grieve, just tune out the noise.
4. Grieving is an organic process
Our souls are trained to grieve. It is a process that does not need to be learned. Unfortunately, in this day in age, we are judgment machines that try to fix others’ problems. However, there is no solution for grief because nothing needs to be fixed – you are not broken. Secondly, grief should be a no judgment zone.
5. There is no zero-sum pie of grief
One’s grief does not take away from another’s. Someone will always have it worse, however, you are still allowed to feel sadness and pain over “less serious” losses.
6. Anger is pain’s bodyguard
Letting out our anger in a healthy way can be freeing. David hits his bed with a baseball bat to let off steam. Anger is just pain’s bodyguard and in allowing it to live, we can move on.
7. Stop judging your feelings
Oftentimes, we view feeling stuck or numb as a negative. Saying this emotion is wrong is a judgment, and you cannot feel what you are judging. So, accept the numbness and know there is nothing wrong with it.
Listen to the full interview here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/better-together-with-maria-menounos/id1320060107?i=1000523145316
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