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3 Perfect Emotional Wellness Tips From Dr. Nicole LePera

Dr. Nicole Lepera - Better Together with Maria Menounos

Early in her years as a practicing psychologist, Cornell-trained expert Dr. Nicole LePera noticed she was stuck in the same negative thought patterns and beliefs as many of the clients she was trying to help. As a result, she pivoted her entire philosophy on psychological wellness. Now billed as @The.Holistic.Psychologist, Dr. LePera has built a community of nearly 2.7 million #selfhealers on Instagram who have changed their lives through Dr. LePera’s practical everyday healing tools. In her interview with Maria Menounos, she offered the 3 step journey we need to take if we want to break the negative thought patterns and behaviors that are slowing you down.  

Step Into Consciousness

Dr. LePera is adamant that many of the negative patterns in our life our learned behaviors from caretakers in childhood. Because those patterns and comping mechanisms date back so far, they have become an ingrained part of daily lives, and we need to step in consciousness if we want to adapt. She says, “We are endlessly repeating a past, from how we’re acting, to what we’re thinking, to therefore how we’re feeling, and we’re not living in consciousness. So, the foundation, in my opinion, in my practice, and in my own healing journey,  is developing that consciousness: that ability to see that patterning, and then over time to begin to activate new choices.”

Practice Self Observation

Once we’re awakened to our new consciousness, it’s time for us to start practice self-observation. LePera describes self-observation as a chance, “to observe ourself, and to observe our habits. What we want to spend a lot of time observing is our mental our internal world will notice how thoughts are ever present. We are thinking from thet ime our eyes open until the time they go into bed. And many of us are thinking throughout our sleep, right? Endlessly thinking. So we’re spending a lot of time in our minds, and the issue with that is the the narratives, right back to those repetitive stories i was talking about, they become the filters through which we’re viewing all of our experiences, which is why all of our current life looks very similar to that past.

Make Intentional Life Choices

Now that we’re armed with the crucial consciousness and observation skills that Dr. LePera so adamantly stresses, we can step out of old life habits to make NEW choices. Every time we’re confronted with decisions, be them small or life-altering, we can run through those important consciousness and self observation practices. Using our past as a guide, and our 100-foot view as a measurement tool, we’ll be able to make intentional choices that can help us avoid stress, harm, or negative thought spirals.

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I never “came out,” I was found out. My mom was suspicious. Her and my dad drive 6 hours to upstate New York. I was in college. They caught me off guard—knocked on my dorm room door. And, like a scene out of a movie, they caught me with my girlfriend. My mom was devastated. The memory is still hazy, but she yelled so loud someone came down the hall + asked if I needed help. For months, she didn’t speak to me. If I was in her presence she’d walk by me as if I wasn’t there. I was ‘forbidden’ to see my girlfriend. So I spent the next year sneaking around. Hiding. Keeping everything internalized. In my 20s, I went through an experimental phase. I cut my hair off. I wore ties. I was mistaken for a man, even asked to leave bathrooms. Because gay marriage wasn’t recognized by my early 30s, I was married in New York City, but gridlocked in that marriage because I lived in Pennsylvania where legally we could not divorce. I’ve been told to stop kissing on airplanes. I’ve been called a “dyke” walking down a street in Philly with my partner. I had supervisors tell me “you need more makeup, wear earrings, look more feminine to get clients” (this is a direct quote) in my psychoanalytic program. Just 3 years ago my dad told me “we thought we did something wrong” when they found out I was gay. This is the root of all of these projections: insecurity, fear, + low self worth. People’s behavior is how they feel about themselves. And sometimes, that really, really hurts. I created this post for the person in the midst of what I went through alone over a decade ago. You are not alone. There will always be people who misunderstand you. Sometimes these people are those we love + need the most. People who’ve created an identity, a story around who you are to be. People who need time to mourn the death of their own creation. It gets better. Much better. As you integrate this part of you, you become the living example of what it is to be free. With this freedom comes empathy to those who are still caged. Happy pride. I see you. And so does everyone who can clearly see themselves 🌈#selfhealers

A post shared by Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist) on

Have your own emotional wellness tips that can help during the pandemic? Comment them down below, and make sure to watch Better Together w/ Maria Menounos everyday on YouTube and Apple Podcasts!

Jeff Graham

Jeff Graham

Jeffrey C. Graham is a writer, host, and producer living in Los Angeles, California. You’ve seen (or heard) his work on Sirius XM, AfterBuzz TV, and Earwolf, among other outlets. Jeff thinks of himself “intellectual,” but he’s a voracious fan of The Bachelor franchise, so perhaps not?

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