Dr. Laura Berman is an American relationship therapist and a popular television host. She joined the Better Together team and taught us how to identify your attachment styles in order to create the healthiest relationships. Before we start, we need to know what attachment is and different kinds of attachment styles. Attachment is a deep emotional bond with another person, generally started from when you were an infant with your primary care takers. People tend to have different attachment styles based on these foundational experiences that affect our relationships in how we communicate, solve problems and progress. Attachment styles develop from your early relationships, what was modeled for you, and your past traumas, and past experiences. It also affects how we search for our intimacy relationship and solve conflicts with our partners.
4 Major Attachment Styles With Dr. Laura
1. Secure attachment style
The healthiest form of attachment that all of us should reach. People who experience secure attachment are able to learn how to trust others and reassuring yourself that everything will be ok. These people tend to be happy and are willing to share feelings with their partners because they have good self-esteem and are trustworthy. This is a healthy attachment style because these people will be happy independently or dependently. They seek out a balanced relationship between themselves and their partner, making it easier to pursue their own interests and hanging out with each other.
2. Anxious attachment style
Anxious attachment style is one of the insecure attachment styles established from someone who was raised with emotional issues like depression or bipolar. These people have an intense fear of rejection and abandonment where they are afraid that if they don’t give what is expected then they will be rejected. Anxious attachers in a relationship would cling onto their partner and are happy to cater to them. However, this prevents the attacher from fully being themselves because they always have to cater to whoever they are with. The fear of rejection will lead them to act in an aggressive way if their partner doesn’t give them validation of confirmation that they love them.
3. Avoidant attachment style
Avoidant attachment style can be seen in someone who is a narcissist where they have their heart completely closed up or preventing love from happening. These people experienced a lot of traumas where their essentials are not being met so they form a belief that they can’t depend on anyone but themselves. This might be bad in the relationship because those with avoidant attachment style struggle in having a close intimate relationship. There would be little to no emotional investment in the relationship and are not willing to share their emotion with their partner.
3. Fearful attachment style
Fearful attachment style is commonly seen in someone who has borderline disorder, where they experience a lot of ups and downs. It is hard to be with or to treat people with borderline disorder, hence those who experience fearful attachment style because it derives from a wound that was so early on. These people didn’t have their needs met or were being abused or mistreated at an early age; therefore, struggled to find love and grow up to be manipulators.
All of us have these attachment styles and it could be a mix because we’re not perfect; however, recognizing these behaviors and attachment styles can help you develop a coping strategy to improve your relationship. Moving the past through you might help you overcome your negative experiences in the past. If you just stop thinking and trying to control what your body is trying to let go then it will definitely help you in moving the traumas outside your body.
Want to learn more about how to heal your old wounds and improve your relationship with Dr. Laura Berman? Check out the full blog here!
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